Giving, receiving, and what lies beneath
Some people go in with a mindset of giving: “I want to take care of her” or “I know I can make him happy”, for example, while some go in predominantly expecting to receive: “If he can't provide for me, someone else will” or “If she can't meet my physical needs, I'll get them met elsewhere” are common examples.
What is often the case, however, is that the surface want or expectation to give or receive masks deep underlying issues that mainly have to do with how the person relates to themselves. The desire to have somebody unreservedly address one's sexual needs might mask a deeper desire for control over one's own life. On the other hand, one's desire to be provided for financially might be masking a deep need to feel safe and secure, which, incidentally, they might very well not get from being provided for financially. Being showered with money while being expected to inappropriately entertain the provider's friends, for example, might not do much to make one feel safe and secure. In fact, it might have the opposite effect, leading to a dangerous cycle where financial provision automatically equals self-esteem erosion, even when such provision comes from a good and harmless place.
The point of it all is that much of what we search for in a romantic partner is what we can provide for ourselves, or at the very least, we can understand the underlying need or issue, so that we don't end up asking others to define and solve that which lies within us, which we can't even define and solve for ourselves.
Kissing frogs, and the cost of not knowing yourself
If one is lucky, one might find a partner who identifies the source of their demands and leads them to a comfortable place where they can “face their demons”, so to speak. More often than not, though, one has to kiss a few frogs to meet someone who has genuine intentions towards them. The best-case scenario is that the “frog” in question sees the internal confusion and uses it as a tool to get you to bend to their will, while you get nothing meaningful from the romantic situation. Worst case, you're dealing with someone who designs a series of events and situations you cannot ever come back from, long after having exited. You come out far worse off than you went in, which often doesn't bode well for your future relationships.
Ultimately, no one can define for you who you are and where you're going if you've already done so for yourself. The joy in exploring romance with someone is the process of discovering who they are individually, while defining who you are together, or who you could be as a couple. The danger in not having done the work within yourself is that who you become as a couple becomes who you are as an individual.
Don't let the relationship become your identity
The relationship then becomes your identity, and you end up not knowing who you are as a person outside of it. You end up “losing yourself” in something you truly have no control over. You become intense over time because you can't fathom losing the one thing that defines you. You start either overwhelming your partner or putting up with so much that harms you, just so the relationship doesn't end, which doesn't bode well for the longevity of the relationship in any case.
There are many things that can go wrong in any romantic situation, because there's often very little we can control when it comes to dealing with another person in general, further complicated by the love and romance underlying the context. You only really have control over yourself and how you handle yourself within the situation.
Do the internal work
Doing the internal work of getting yourself to a superior state of self-awareness, and constantly working on addressing your internal issues, goes a long way in improving the quality of your life in general. It will also, in all likelihood, go even further in positively enhancing your relationship once you meet that someone who more closely rhymes with the rhythm of your soul.
So, work on yourself, elevate your self-awareness, bring your best self to your relationship, and let the music play… hopefully, on and on.
Have you reached a comfortable state of self-awareness and are ready to be “explored” by a special someone, but you're just having a bit of trouble meeting them? Let us help you. There's beauty in love, and you deserve to experience that beauty too.